A deeper story

The Paper Houses project

In my last post I shared a hint of a new project I’m working on: Paper Houses. There have been times in my life where making something has helped to heal my heart. Where the act of creating finds an outlet for my grief. This project is one of those times.

Lately I have been wanting to create with my hands rather than on my computer. There’s something soothing about the imperfection of the physical object and being able to turn it into something I’m pleased with. I haven’t shared this project on social media, just texted the odd picture to a friend and posted on an art group I belong to. I’m not sure why. Maybe because I feel much more like a beginner when it comes to making collages or maybe it’s because the point of this project is to make something without thinking about marketing or sales or anything other than working through my emotions.

Memories of Houses

I have always loved living in a house.

Growing up we moved a lot but usually it was from one apartment to another. Most of my friends lived in houses but we didn’t. I barely remember the houses we lived in but I do remember the yards. When you grow up in an apartment, living somewhere with your own yard becomes extra special. To this day the smell of fresh cut grass takes me back to the excitement on the last day of school when the whole summer is ahead of you.

It’s hard to explain but there’s something different about being on the ground, with access to your own outdoor area, and windows all around. There’s a feeling of independence that you don’t get being in a building. I dream about what it would be like living in a house again, especially when I walk through neighborhoods. But in recent years, that longing is also something that makes me sad.

Working through the grief

Looking at my life and the state of the world it’s unlikely I will ever live in a house again and it hurts my heart to think about it. Renting a house is beyond my means, and buying one is out of the question. This project began with the desire to express my heartbreak and process my sadness.

Paper Houses is a mixed media project where the houses come together like fragmented patchwork. The construction mimics the “typical” shape of a house… the ones I drew as a kid. A triangle roof on a rectangular building with rectangles for windows. Each house is a mosaic made from bits and pieces of my own photographs—dreams compiled and glued together, roots not in the ground, and the absence of doors. The viewer is on the outside and barely gets a peek inside the windows. The houses are located on unstable ground, that isn’t really grounded, and sometimes there is water in its place.

I build each house bit by bit, trying out pieces in different places, sideways, or upside down.

In order to gather the images for the houses I have to comb through my files. I’ve been looking at thousands of photos I’ve taken throughout the years and as I do it I am reliving bits and pieces of my life and stitching together moments from my past. Some of those memories make me nostalgic for what seems like better times. Times when bigger dreams seemed possible. And although the process of creating these collages might make me sad, accepting how I feel and channeling it into making something helps me release those feelings and carry on.

The first houses felt somewhat rigid with careful object placement and only right angles. But there’s a part of me that wants to make bold movements so I’m trying to loosen up the compositions.

Creating collages is a new thing for me and I have found it to be an enjoyable, slow, and mindful process. Sometimes I lay out the pieces and let them sit for a while before looking at them again and rearranging them. Other times ideas start to come alive in my head while I’m trying to fall asleep. I’m having a lot of fun making them and will be sharing more of them here as I continue the exploration.

Thank you for reading Photographs and Stories it means a lot to me that you do.